W.A.L.T: Use adverbial & adjectivel phrases
My eyes widen when I see the humongous que of people flying Qantas. Then stare at the tiny little line of people flying Jet star and Air New Zealand. There is like no one there. Anyway time ticking. Hopefully there not all on my plane!
At long last the long que was finished. Well for us at lest! We went to a counter with a lady with a big cheesy grin on her face and her beautiful brown hair in a high bun. She scanned our passports then just suddenly stopped, took a glance at Nelson and then that's when the nerves struck me.
“He's a boy right"? She asked.
“Yes why"? mum answered.
“Because it says he's a female”.
“oh my gosh" mum said in shock.
The lady guided us to the end of the airport terminal and we waited. I was so nervous. Is it me or is it getting hot in here. Thoughts were flying through my mind. Will they let us out of the country?
“Calm down" said mum.
How does she my mum expect me to calm down? I mean seriously. G wiz
The lady returned.“ so we just rung Canberra, and they said if we let you out of the country to Sydney than they have to let you go out of Sydney from perth".
What a relive. I can't wait to see my dad in Perth.
My first copy.
I gazed at the car speeding down the road. There's no going back now i thought to myself. The pitch blackness was swallowing everything up. My legs were purple and numb. The door slides open as if we were the royal family.
My eyes widen when I see the line of people flying Qantas. Then stare at the line of people flying Jet star and Air New Zealand. There is like no one there. Anyway time was getting wasted waiting on this long line.
At last the long Que. was finished. Well for us at lest! They scanned our passports. Then she suddenly stopped, took a glance at Nelson and then that's when the nerves struck me.
“He's a boy right"? She asked. “Yes why"? mum answered. “Because it says he's a female”. “oh my gosh" mum said in shock. The lady guided us to the end of the cheek out terminal thing and waited. I was so nervous. Is it me or is it getting hot in here. Thoughts were flying through my mind. Will they let us out of the country? “Calm down" said mum.
The lady returned.“ so we just rung Canberra and they said if we let you out of the country to Sydney than they have to let you go out of Sydney". What a relive. I can't wait to see my dad in Perth.
I gazed at the car speeding down the road. There's no going back now i thought to myself. The pitch blackness was swallowing everything up. My legs were purple and numb. The door slides open as if we were the royal family.
My eyes widen when I see the line of people flying Qantas. Then stare at the line of people flying Jet star and Air New Zealand. There is like no one there. Anyway time was getting wasted waiting on this long line.
At last the long Que. was finished. Well for us at lest! They scanned our passports. Then she suddenly stopped, took a glance at Nelson and then that's when the nerves struck me.
“He's a boy right"? She asked. “Yes why"? mum answered. “Because it says he's a female”. “oh my gosh" mum said in shock. The lady guided us to the end of the cheek out terminal thing and waited. I was so nervous. Is it me or is it getting hot in here. Thoughts were flying through my mind. Will they let us out of the country? “Calm down" said mum.
The lady returned.“ so we just rung Canberra and they said if we let you out of the country to Sydney than they have to let you go out of Sydney". What a relive. I can't wait to see my dad in Perth.
How I redrafted it.
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