Sunday, 13 April 2014

Camp writing


Purpose: To tell about an experience from camp, using short sentences to create suspense.

WALT: Entertain (recount)

Task: To write a recount based on something scary or suspenseful that happened to you.


Criteria: I can           Self Assessment  

Peer Comment

Descriptive vocabulary (words that help to SHOW the reader)

  • use a range of verbs

  • use a variety of adverbs. 

Language features (phrases that help paint a picture)

  • select 2 - 3 similes

  • select 2 - 3 metaphors or personification

  • choose onomatopoeia to show sounds (crash!)

  • select words that start with the same sound (alliteration)   

Sentences

  • use short sentences to create suspense 

Structure

  • use 3 - 5 paragraphs.

Name: Anna

Overall, how well do you think your learning partner has done?







Comment: Cool story






Caving draft 1

It was finaly our groups turn.James caled over group j and i, time to go. We hoped in the car. My hart was pumping. We got there. James gave as some instructions. We hade to find a swamp, a tree over 100 years old and then a hole in the ground. We got a few instructions before we entered the dark ditch. I took my first step into the cave I said to myself "its going to be ok." I went deeper. As I was walking there was a water fall. We sore huge crayfish and small ones proberly the size of a baby's foot. As we got closer to the end of the cave we sore some glow worms. They were pretty. Glow worms are things that hang. We mde it to the end. James said "who wants to crawl through the small space. I did it. I had to go down on my tummy. It was hard. Once we were out of the small bit we went back with our torches of. It was pitch black. We were out. Zara, Georgia and I went back in we went in a train. The came in to save when we didn't need saving. Then Thomas said " you wasted have of our life".  When we got out of the cave we had a biscuit and some photos.



Caving draft 2 

It was finaly our groups turn. Our group was the last group to do it. James caled over group j and i, time to go. We hoped in the car. I was thinking about all of the people that have came back of from caving talking about have cool it was and how small the space was. I was so excited. We got there. James gave as some instructions. We hade to find a swamp, a tree over 100 years old and then a hole in the ground. We got a few instructions before we entered the dark deep cave.  I took my first step in the cave. As I was walking there was a water fall. We sore huge crayfish and small ones proberly as just smaller then a pencial. There were wetas the size of your hand and they were gross. As we got closer to the end of the cave we sore some glow worms. They were pretty. Glow worms are things that hang. We mde it to the end. James said "who wants to crawl through the small space. I did it. I had to go down on my tummy. It was hard. Once we were out of the small bit we went back with our torches of. It was pitch black. We were out. Zara, Georgia and I went back in. We went in a train. Then Thomas, Maraki and jaiden came in to save when we didn't need saving. Then Thomas said " you wasted have of our life".  When we got out of the cave we had a biscuit and some photos. You should have seen how dirty we were!!!



Caving draft 3

It was finaly our groups turn. Our group was the last group to do it. Two nights waiting for this day to come. James caled as over "group J and I, time to go". We hoped in the car. I was thinking about all of the people that have came back of from caving talking acool it was and how small the spaces were. I was so excited but I had fear running up my spine. We got there. James gave as some instructions on how to get to the cave. We had to find swamp a old tree over 100 and then we will find the cave. We got a few instructions before we entered the dark deep cave. I took my first step in the cave. As I was walking there was a water fall. We sore huge crayfish and small ones proberly as just smaller then a pencial. Georgia shined her torch at a spot in the cameand about 4 or 5 wetas the size of your hand came out. They were gross. As we got closer to the end of the cave we sore some glow worms. They were pretty. Glow worms are things that hang. We mde it to the end. James said "who wants to crawl through the small space. I did it. I had to go down on my tummy. It was hard. Once we were out of the small bit we went back with our torches of. It was pitch black. We were out. Zara, Georgia and I went back in. We went in a line. Then Thomas, Maraki and jaiden came in to save when we didn't need saving. Then Thomas said " you wasted half of our life".  When we got out of the cave we had a biscuit and some photos. You should have seen how dirty we all were!!!


Final draft

It was finaly our groups turn. Our group was the last group to do it. Two nights waiting for this day to come. James caled as over "group J and I, time to go". We hoped in the car. I was thinking about all of the people that have came back of from caving talking about cool it was and how small the spaces were. I was so excited but I had fear running up my spine. We got there. James gave as some instructions on how to get to the cave. We had to find swamp a old tree over 100 and then we will find the cave. We got a few instructions before we entered the dark deep cave. I took my first step in the cave. As I was walking there was a water fall. We sore huge crayfish and small ones proberly as just smaller then a pencial. Georgia shined her torch at a spot in the cameand about 4 or 5 wetas the size of your hand came out. They were gross. As we got closer to the end of the cave we sore some glow worms. They were pretty. Glow worms are things that hang. We mde it to the end. James said "who wants to crawl through the small space. I did it. I had to go down on my tummy. It was hard. Once we were out of the small bit we went back with our torches of. It was pitch black. We were out. Zara, Georgia and I went back in. We went in a line. Then Thomas, Maraki and jaiden came in to save when we didn't need saving. Then Thomas said " you wasted half of our life".  When we got out of the cave we had a biscuit and some photos. You should have seen how dirty we all were!!!

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